"I went to calcutta and got dysentary, now I have artistic credibility"
"I can't do this! I'm so scared, Look at that drop! I-hey that eyeshadow is absolutley fantastic what is-AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH"
"He's cute, in a completely unattractive sort of way"
"If I had any eyebrows, I'd be raising one right now"
"Who just hit us with the cranky old bastard stick?"
"Nah Nah Nah Nah"
"Nope, it was a full on two piece, no courtesy ruffle, no nothing"
"Look Shana, its 2 F's not E's or L's its Real F's"
"He's still ugly, but it's not quite so jarring anymore"
"Just Use The Sprite Bottle." "But it still has Sprite in it, How Will we get the Sprite Out??" "So I'm guessing you dropped out of M.I.T."
"Its not slutty if he's a pop icon"
"he's an alien from the planet NOSE"
"Tell him I'll be a plant, a gay guy, a pair of pants, a turd, ANYTHING"
"Whatever you do, just don't come out in a pouf of smoke"
"Blubelle is a cow's name"
"I asked G-d for John Lennon and He Gave me Old Dirty Bastard"
"There is nothing elegant about a bunch of hairy italian girls in giant sparkly tube socks"
"Not Even, its Syphillis in the City...Sex In the Syphillis...She Should Have labial gangrene"
"He had a raging boner...it was like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH I'm A BOOOOONERRRRR"
"The White Album is amazing except for those parts where they accidentally forgot to beat Yoko to death"
"Regan, you'd make the worst serial killer, everyone would know it was you-the victims would all be horrifically mutilated, and yet all perfectly accessorized"
"Oh yes, We have entered Brown Toothed Khaki Hell"
"Retarded, Profoundly, Profoundly Retarded"
"And for my Bridal Party...Tarp"
"She thinks Punani is a type of Pokemon"
"Ricky Martin? Come on man, he's gay He's so Gay, He's so gay he's not even trying to hide it, Its just like his Publicist is standing next to him With a Cattle Prod...'I am Reeky Marrrteen and THEES is my Puerto Rico...and THEES is Me Getting banged up the butt by a... OWWWWW ENOUGH wid de FREEKIN caddle theeng!' "
"Dot Dot Dot,as in gimme the ring and the seed immediatley. as in the sound of me tapping a butcher knife against your eye socket"
"I can't talk now, the cat is stuck in the pants again"
"Its Paolo, I mean Ted, I mean Steve, I mean, uh, Gunter"
Ok, I'll admit that I don't have the highest self opinion in the universe, but I really have to draw the line at being insulted by a woman who is anorexic-and crinkly-and green-and wearing what appears to be a piece of toilet tissue"
"Oh he is so out of my dancing circle now"
"Don't feel bad Regan, It's Ok, she wears TEAL EYESHADOW"
"Leave a message at the Shibby...Shi-BEEEE"
"It scares me that Billy Ocean songs take up that much valuable space in my brain"
"Omigawd! Its Crefloooo Dollar!"
"The Baseball Card Guy, That guy's Out of His Freaking Mind, Its Like you wake up at three A.M. to the sound of him screaming 'I have No money! I have Sold My House, I have no food, I have Sold My Wife and Daughters into Prostitution, just so I can bring you this amazing one time only deal on a Gem Mint Tiger Woods pga card!!' "
"Queen of the Minor Celebrities"
"But I adore him!" "You can't adore him Regan, He's a TOILET BRUSH"
"Oeter. always Fucking Oeter"
"I don't see any towels, I do however see a cat, I'll just dry my hands on that"
"Napoli is a beautiful city, rich in culture, rife with culinary delights,you'd think someone might inform the goverment that they're just a little teeny bit low on soap"
"Look at that loveley bag...it's a genuine...uh...FLENDI!
"And the heroin was Like yeah, so there I was minding my own business, floating around in a pool of vomit and i looked up and i was like hey...Jimi Hendrix"
"Christmas, or as they call it in your home, the Cuban Festival of Pork"
"Look, Its been three months and not once have I mentioned scrotal drop"
"Pikachus?" "Peanut Chews, Choad"
"Dude, they actually have a place called Glutton Burger"
"Big Fake Boobs and Gucci Shoes"
"A Claddagh Ring, you know, its like Irish Bling"
"Yeah could you be a lamb and get me a napkin?" "Yeah man, because her ass is sooo wet from you kissing it"
"No, Im not surprised you asked her for your Color Me Badd CD back, Im surprised you admitted to ever having owned it"
"Woke Up in New York Ceety, weeth a shaven Asian Bo-OWWW, AGAIN WID DEE CADDLE THEENG!!"
"What flavor do you want?" "Mango" "You can't have-a de Mango!!"
"No, she hasnt seen 'Gone With The Wind' apparantly, she spent most of her adult life watching instructional videos for bathroom sealant"
"Oh yeah, thats me...I was a buick"
"she dances around guys she is trying to seduce and,honestly...we have all had a good laugh about that...it looks like an aboriginal mating dance performed by special ed students"
"You Just missed the upside-down show of bad gymnastics"
"My Inner Voices are becoming a Springer Audience"
"Matthew, the word is SPIGot!"
"Cause I'm a renegade Yo, I got that Renegade gaffing Stayyyle, What"
"I hate that word, sensual, thats like, that's like the Michael Bolton of sex words"
"You hate that almost as much as Alice hates Porno"
"Esscuse me, mami, wood jou like to yoin me for sam Salsa Dannnseeeeng?"
"I like joy, Just not when it's around me"
"Yes. tell us about your struggles